…I’m compiling an ongoing list of simple tips to improve your writing, and make writing easier. None of these are original ideas – because I don’t have many of those – but aggregated knowledge I’ve found useful. They aim to help with both that unfinished sci fi epic on your desktop (i.e. fiction) and your resignation letter due to repeated HR violations (nonfiction).
The Tip: Replacing Letters in Bad Words With Funny Symbols. Don’t Do It.
Edit: The Onion, as usual, says it better than I ever could.
Here’s the sitch: you’re enraged, excited, or otherwise worked into a lather. You want your reader to feel the passion in your writing. Oh yes, my friends, it’s time for a bad word. Put the children to bed, because all caps in this Facebook post just isn’t going to cut it. It’s time to bring out one of the naughties to let everyone know how you really feel.
But wait! Your mom is online. And your boss. And that one aunt (by marriage) who comments on everything for some reason. Any of these people could see what you wrote, which means they’ll know you know – gasp – profanity! No, no, no, this simply will not do.
The compromise: “Lightbulb! I’ll simply replace one or two letters in the bad word! That way, I’m not really writing the bad word. ‘Fuck’ becomes ‘F*ck.’ People still know what it is, but I’m absolved of all wrongdoing! I CAN HAVE IT ALL!”
The reason to not do this: Who, exactly, are you protecting? Anyone who reads the word you so cleverly modified instantly thinks of the original word. Now the bad word is in the reader’s head. As Louis C.K. would say, “that’s what saying a word is.” If you want to use the word, just use the damn word. The result is the same, and you look less like a coward.
My personal favorite: “I don’t even give a sh*t!” Well, actually, you do. Trying to disguise the word “shit” because of how you fear you’ll be perceived is the definition of giving a shit, I believe.
Gang, let’s stop hiding behind strategically-placed symbols. Spread your wings, embrace adulthood, leave the “$” symbols at home, and proudly type the word “ass.”