The Myth of Early Achievers

For Christmas, my parents gave me a book called Get Wise: Make Great Decisions Every Day, which was written by the pastor of their church, Bob Merritt. I would have considered this gift a backhanded attempt at intervention, but they also gave the book to their other sons, who all have wives/fiancees, retirement savings accounts, and generally more put-together lives than me. So I don’t think there was an underlying hint.

ANYWAY, I’ve been reading the thing and it’s good. As the title suggests, it’s basically an exercise in understanding that the things you consistently do determine who you are, and the value of seeking wisdom over other things. I’m getting a lot from it.

But then, once in a while, as often happens with these things, I come across something that makes me go something like:

“What? Is he serious? Who is this guy? What’s today’s date?”

Basically, I disagree. Disagreeing is one of my most prominent personality traits, so I suppose that isn’t a surprise, but disagreeing with a man of the cloth, who wrote the book your parents gave to you for Christmas in an act of good faith and definitely not a subtle hint at fixing your life priorities…well, disagreeing with that guy feels kinda weird. Am I allowed to do that? Does this make me an asshole?

I came across one such passage:

…Don’t waste your life. Get going. Get on the education path, work path, skill development path, healthy relationships path, and volunteer and internship path. Get off the aimless bar-hopping, hooking up, and waiting-for-your-real-life-to-start path…

Both my kids were working by age twelve gaining skills, making contacts, dealing with people, and getting a leg up on every kid who sat at home playing video games and drinking smoothies. At age twenty-six, my daughter, Meg, had her master’s degree in child psychology, a job in the public schools, and a marriage to a med student. At age twenty-five, my son, Dave, had his law degree, a law firm job in Minneapolis, and a marriage to a twenty-four-year-old engineer. All four went to college, played sports, worked as many jobs as they could, volunteered, got internships, and stayed sexually pure and spiritually grounded during their teens and twenties. Now they’re set up to build a great life in their thirties, forties, and beyond.

My Thoughts, Short Version

I disagree. Vehemently. Not with all of it, but most of it.

My Thoughts, Long Version

I’ve tried to build the Otter Lodge on one main principal; that it’s good for you to try different things, experiment, and generally wander a little bit, while at the same time leading a responsible life and pursuing what you want. Maybe you don’t know what you want in life, in which case the wandering part becomes even more important. You have to find out what you like – and what you don’t – before you decide what you want.

The problem I have with the highlighted passage is it places all the emphasis on achievement – early achievement, to be specific – and disregards the value of other life experiences, those that may not put a degree on the wall or create financial security, but that enrich the person and grow the spirit.

I understand what Merritt is saying; stop aimlessly drifting through the best years of your life and go do something. Get your shit together. Contribute things to the world. All that’s endorsed and encouraged here at the Lodge. But the way he goes about it, in a braggadocious “look how great my kids are” manner, is not only off-putting, it just…sounds terrible. I read the paragraph and think, “okay, what now?” That’s great your wonder-kids have their lives and careers all sewed up by their mid-twenties, but what are they going to do for the next sixty years? Are they going to travel, live different places, meet new people, make mistakes, try different life paths, and experience the gifts of a vast world? Maybe, but I doubt it. More likely, they’re going to work – a lot – for the rest of their adult lives, pop out more kids, and take them to JC Penney to get their pictures taken in front of that blue-gray backdrop. They’ll wear sweaters and bring casseroles to family functions, and stand around and talk about how great life is because they’ve achieved the things that count for success within a community confined by a narrow and limited worldview.

Maybe. I could be wrong. I probably am. But when I read that paragraph, that’s what I see.

My advice (and this is my blog so I’m going to give it to you whether you want it or not and that’s final)? Take a chance. Make mistakes. Explore. Learn – about yourself and the world around you. Be careful of ideas like staying “grounded” – these ideas are grown from good intentions, but can easily turn stifling. Why stay spiritually grounded? Why not fly amongst many spiritual thoughts and ideas, learn new ways of thinking, and gain the understanding necessary to find your truth? Don’t try heroin or anything, but have a beer once in a while.

A quest for perfection can only end in disappointment. That’s a fact. So fail. Fuck up. Date the wrong person. Take the wrong job. Accept it as part of life, learn from it, and do better the next time. You have your whole life to get it right. But some of the most important lessons are learned when you get it wrong.

He said Jesus walked on the water
And I know that it’s true
But sometimes I think that preacher man
Would like to do a little walkin’ too

– Charles Daniels (American Philosopher)