This V-Day, ditch the old standards and try one of my modern love lines instead:
- “I love you like white millennials love ‘Regulate’ by Warren G Feat. Nate Dogg.”
- “I love you like moms loved Oprah in the nineties.”
- “I love you like progressives love Beyonce.”
- “I love you like white girls love Ellen.”
- “I love you as much as Trump supporters love saying ‘it’s not a permanent ban.'”
- “Life with you is so much better, similar to how each film would be better with the inclusion of Tom Hanks.”
- “I hope our time apart always goes as quickly as the MLB offseason. Pitchers and catchers report soon.”
- “I love you like Texans love Texas.”
- “I love you as much as non-Texans hate Texas.”
- “Quitting you is harder than quitting Facebook.”