As 2014 draws to a close, it’s time to unveil the Otter Lodge Year in Review. We’ll hand out some awards for completely unrelated things, criteria for which are biased and subjective. In other words, how we usually do things. In no particular order:
Best Twitter Account
Brian Gaar (@BrianGaar)
Don’t know much about this guy, other than he’s a comedian from Austin, TX. And his tweets are hilarious. He consistently makes me laugh; probably the most efficient tweeter I follow, i.e. best Quality Tweet Ratio (QTR). Anywho, here are some gems:
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) November 14, 2012
If two people are arguing and one person says, “You know what…” that argument is about to get awesome. — Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 25, 2011
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 5, 2014
If a bear attacks you, play dead. Ok good, you’re about to feel like this forever
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) June 14, 2013
I’d be the kind of scientist who put on shades every time I discovered something
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) December 20, 2014
(I realize these are aren’t from 2014. Who cares?)
Best Country Artist I Actually Don’t Hate
Sturgill Simpson
Introduced to me by citizen of the Lodge (in good standing) James Hardman, this is the first country artist I’ve actively listened to in a long time (read: ever). Sturgill is the bomb. Wholly authentic and lacking the cheese of most major country artists of today, I recommend him to you. Here’s something to get you started:
Best TV Series
True Detective
I suppose it’s true I don’t watch THAT many TV shows, but I do watch a lot of the “OMG you have to watch all 4 seasons of this immediately!” shows – Breaking Bad, Homeland, House of Cards, et al. And True Detective was, far and away, my favorite of the bunch. Masterfully written, impeccably acted, dark, brooding, and suspenseful all at once, AND it played a central role in The Year of McConaughey, which should not go overlooked. So many high points – the end of Episode 3, the 6-minute tracking shot in Episode 4 – make it one of the best TV series I’ve seen, ever.
And it of course got snubbed for all the major Emmys, which went to Breaking Bad for the 17th year in a row. I mean, Breaking Bad was a great show, but did they really need the victory lap? Weren’t their trophy cases already overflowing? WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH? This is why I don’t watch award shows. Well, this and like a hundred other reasons. ANYWAY, True Detective, hell yes.
Biggest Question In Advertising
For the 6th consecutive year, the award goes to, “what is the deal with those bathtubs in Cialis commercials?”
In each television advert for the popular boner pill, a graying yet still remarkably attractive couple somehow end up in dual, side-by-side, old-style bathtubs, looking out over a divide, ocean, or other panoramic view of sorts. Many questions are posed by these scenes, and few are answered. How did the tubs end up there? Was there a transportation service? Is the scene we’re seeing pre or post coitus? Are they planning on…just, climbing into one of the tubs to do the deed? Won’t the water go cold in a hurry? What’s the plan for getting the tubs off the beach/grand canyon?
Best U.S. President
Barack Obama (D-IL)
Folks, this one was a shoo-in. Sure, he’s been the only president in the last year, but he was also the best. Give credit where credit’s due.
Ok. Seriously. I’m 28 years old, and for the first time this year it dawned on me that no matter who is in the White House, half the people will spend a good chunk of their free time trying to prove that he (or she!) sucks. Perhaps I’m naive for not realizing this earlier. Anyway, here’s the point: stop being dicks. Barry Obama is a good dude, and though you may not have voted for him (I didn’t either), things are pretty good right now. Stop pretending they aren’t just to validate your previously held bias. If you are someone who actively bashes the president – any president – in order to set the stage for “your party” next time around, and you also call yourself a “patriot,” I implore you to look up the definition of the word.
App of the Year
I’m a white noise guy. Gotta have it when sleeping. At home, I turn the fan on at night, no matter what the season, to get that soothing hum.
But what if I’m not at home? What if I’m at a hotel, or a friend’s house where all the fans are spoken for? In walks the “Rain, Rain” app. 25 different sounds to relax to, all totally free. It’s mostly different versions of gentle rain, but there are some sneaky winners like the crackling fire, as well. And you always have it with you, because – let’s be real – your phone will never leave your side.
Simple, beautiful, and free, “Rain, Rain” gets our endorsement as the Otter Lodge App of the Year.
Man of the Year
Bob Ross
Like it would even be anyone else. I don’t care that he died in 1995; his legacy lives on, now and forever. Bob can teach us much about life, and is the preeminent authority on living the way of the otter. He’s the only choice for the inaugural Otter Lodge Man of the Year Award.
I’ll leave you with a clip of Bob dropping some wisdom, as he so often did. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, and let’s get after it in 2015.